At least not in the "Nickionary" dictionary!
Everytime I relapse, drink whatever... and I come back (thank God I do), I put a negative connotation on my "being back" by saying "Here I am, or here I go 'AGAIN'!"
The truth of the matter as I see it now, is I'm right here - in the here and now - and no matter how many times I've travelled down that road to make it back "AGAIN" with relapsing, bingeing, whatever..., I'm here now!
All the yesterdays and the "would've, could've, should've" scenarios don't mean squat! All the times I've tried before, means something but not like "here I do AGAIN".... It's too negative for me. I've said it way too many times and I have that burden on me coming back like it'll keep playing out the same way as before -- like a revolving door!
I want NEW sobriety today! I don't want what I've had and I don't want to keep reminding myself that "once again" I'm back on Day 5! Today is DAY 5 for me and I'm going to make it as good as possible by FIRST not drinking today!
Why I felt the need to share this ----- who knows! I believe what I believe though and feel encouraged by my NEW life with all ya all!!!
:ghug