thanks- you guys are right- and I have started sessions with a psychiatrist last week.i am going o try to start doing some things for me. I am planning a "birthday trip" to the ocean for my daughter's third birthday- just me and her.So I am trying (at least a little). I know my fear holds me here- I just haven't found a way to beat it yet.My love for him just makes me sad,and frankly I am tired of being sad.
I don't know if I have the strength to make him leave, but i know at very least some boundaries must be put in place- and stood by. I know I shouldn't care if he leaves for days at a time (at least he's not messing up my day with whatever it is he's doing) but I still have that "marriage is not supposed to be like this" attitude.
I know I need work- you guys are very uplifting. And I really do think through the years reading and posting here has been a blessing to me-- so thanks!