Originally Posted by
blessed4x 
IF he really can turn it off and on so easily then why the he!! has he spent the last 2 years so miserable and making us all so miserable too?
I think this is an interesting observation.
My STBXAH has managed to control his alcohol intake (meaning he is totally abstinent) around our son for the last year, and he touts this success as evidence that his old "problem" has been resolved. He is in control. It is easy.
While I don't really believe that P is in control of his alcohol problem (I know that he still drinks alcoholically 2 or more times each week - just not anywhere near our son), it was helpful for me to play a little "as if" game here.
In my head I did a thought experiment: I proceeded as if P was telling the truth. I choose to imagine that he
could control his alcohol intake, that it
was easy for him to choose not to drink. Afterall, when it was really important to him (like childcare issues), he put down the bottle and picked up the bedtime story.
So, let's say that when it's really important to him he can abstain from alcohol and be a pleasant, responsible person.
That MUST mean that I am not important to him - not as important as alcohol.
My STBXAH's insistence that he can control himself was one of the things that finally put me over the top about leaving.
He'd set up a lose-lose situation:
If he
can't control the alcohol but refuses treatment for his addiction,then he is an alcoholic in denial. He is very ill.
If he
can control the alcohol, then his continued drinking is evidence of his lack of love and respect for me. It shows me that I am not important to him.
Either way, I needed to get the heck out of there.
Sorry if I wandered off topic here, Blessed - keep up the good work!
-TC