Shivaya: You did great! Your son is
SO VERY lucky to have a mom that is willing to protect him and be honest with him even when it is hard and painful.
As for understanding what/how the alcoholic is thinking is situations like this, what I've learned is that he is thinking about himself, and only himself. It's pretty much as simple as that.
Active alcoholics are selfish and self-centered -- and I'm not using those terms in a moralistic, judgemental sense -- I'm using them to describe
the orientation of the alcoholic's perceptions and thinking. Their thinking is as totally and absolutely oriented toward themselves as a compass is oriented North.
When I was first in program, old-timers were always telling me "Remember the alcoholic is totally self-centered!" and I'd be like, "Yeah, believe me, I know." But I didn't know, because I didn't really get the sense in which they were using the terms "selfish" and "self-centered".
I don't know if this will be helpful to you or not, but here is link to the story of what happened that finally opened my eyes to what "the self-centeredness of addiction" really means in terms of the alcoholic's thinking and perception:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...addiction.html
....but, really, I hope you are proud of yourself for handling last night's situation so amazingly well!
freya