My story
I am married to an alcoholic. When I met him in 2004 he was honest with me about his past, which included alcohol and drug abuse. However, he had been clean and sober for 4 or 5 years when we first started dating. Both of his parents were alcoholics; his mother died 10 years ago and his father died last year.
Initially I was hesitant to be involved with him, but as I came to know him I felt he had so many good qualities about him (and still does). I guess I became too comfortable with his sobriety to believe he would ever do anything to jeopardize our relationship. We married in 2005, me with the understanding that he could never promise he would never drink again, and he with the understanding that alcoholic behavior was a deal breaker for me. Our Pastor understood and supported my position.
Everything was great until late 2007. His father lived with us for a while. He was being treated for cancer and had surgery in September of that year. My husband has always had issues with his father, and I found out why. Anyway, my husband was in a dead-end job and decided that he was going to apply to some companies in California (computer industry). He was offered a position and accepted. His dad did not want to move to CA so he went back to Texas. They both left the same day in the beginning of November, and I stayed behind to get our house ready to sell.
In March 2008, we had a firm offer on the house so I shipped our belongings to CA, and he flew back to PA and we drove cross country. I was not in CA for a month when I caught him drinking. I was devastated. Then the lies began. He said he started drinking the day before he left for PA. I found out later that he started drinking in December 2007 and not March 2008. I decided to stay and forgive him. He promised to go to AA but never followed through. In short, I caught him two more times after that, was sick of the lies, so I quit my job, packed my stuff and left him. I went back to PA and stayed with my mother who was furious with what he had done.
After I left he started attending AA daily, got a sponsor and was in counseling. After a 3.5 month separation we decided to reconcile. He promised he would continue doing what he had been doing in order to stay sober. I came back 2 days before he was scheduled for surgery which had him on crutches for 6 weeks. He never would have been able to get through it if I hadn't come back. Due to his inability to walk he was not able to attend meetings regularly so he slacked off. I expressed my concerns about this long after he was back to his regular activity level, but he assured me he discussed it with his sponsor as to how many meetings he should attend.
To make a long story short, I caught him drinking again last night. He claims he had 2 half pints of vodka hidden that he bought before I left him and that he happen to find them last night. He took one of them with him when he went to an AA meeting last night and drank it on the way home. The other bottle I found hidden in the pocket of his bathrobe. He intended to drink it if he had a hangover this morning.
Of course today he is remorseful, says he's a sorry SOB and offered to find his own apartment. He says he would rather let me go than to subject me to that again. I do love him, but what's more important is that I really like him...a lot, and don't want anything bad to happen to him. By the same token, I feel that if he's going to let his life go down the toilet I was not going to let him take me down as well.
So, that's it in a nutshell. There's more to it but this is pretty much the gist of the situation. Any comments or insight is greatly welcomed.