AbsentFriend

As an ACOA, this isn't surprising. Though I wouldn't call his "fake self" politically correct - he wasn't intentionally hiding himself from you - he was hiding from himself, because it was too painful, and you were along for the ride. It was the self that he HAD to become in order to survive growing up.

No one can predict what will finally bring our "real" selves out of hiding, but there comes a point when the amount of energy it takes to hide becomes too much. Like trying to single-handedly hold up a dam: Small behaviors and emotions start to trickle out, and then more, until finally the dam gives out altogether.

I was triggered by an argument with my brothers over a year ago, and my dam broke completely a few months later. Though I'd always had more subtle issues, I'd never known enough to attribute them to being an ACOA until then.

You asked what you can do to support him: listen. That's really what it comes down to. Don't try to fix him or compensate for his unhappy past. Don't tell him what he should do.

That said, if this process of his proves to be too wearing on you - if your relationship has more bad days than good, or you are unhappy more than you are content, or you realize that having children with THIS man is ill-advised or undesirable - you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to leave the relationship. Your needs are just as important as his. Just do so as kindly as possible.