Coping with Guilt-Aphrodite Matsakis, Ph.D.
What is Guilt? Guilt is an English word which originally meant debt. The New American Dictionary (1996) defines guilt as the "fact or state of having committed an offense or crime" or a "conscious violation of moral or penal law." Guilt is a very uncomfortable feeling which stems from doing something (or thinking about doing something) which goes against your personal moral standards. It also involves the fear that because you did, or thought about doing, something unacceptable, that you will be punished, rejected, or disapproved of.
In Freud’s view, guilt was pain generated by the superego or conscience in order to change a person’s behavior. One of the best definitions of guilt is offered by psychologist Dr. E. Kubany who defines guilt as a negative feeling state which is triggered by the belief that one should have thought, felt, or acted differently.
Is Guilt Old-Fashioned? As stated in the previous issue Guilt #1, pop psychology
Pop psychology would have us believe that feeling guilty is old fashioned, a relic from the past, and that by adopting the proper attitude, all guilt feelings can be made to easily disappear. This belief makes some people feel guilty for feeling guilty. In my experience as a therapist, as in my own life, I’ve found that, old-fashioned or not, guilt troubles many people and deeply so. Furthermore, guilt is often an underlying cause of procrastination, indecision, depression, anxiety, indecision, overeating, alcoholism, drug and sex addictions, and self-defeating behaviors, such as turning down job opportunities, sabotaging relationships, or cheating oneself in other ways.
Guilt Series:This newsletter is #2 in a fifteen part series on guilt. In Growing Stronger, Guile #1, the difference between rational and irrational guilt was explained. Rational guilt refers to actions, thoughts, and feelings over which you had some control; irrational guilt, to situations over which you had little control. The first step in dealing with guilt is to break it down into the various types of guilt. In this issue, we will look at infantile guilt, guilt from failing to meet social expectations, shadow guilt, religious guilt, true guilt (vs false guilt) and guilt from failing to meet social expectations. These kinds of guilt overlap, but it is still useful to try to divide up guilt into different categories because otherwise our guilt feelings will be overwhelming, and we will feel crushed by them, or we will feel overwhelmed and run from them.