Originally Posted by
MrsMagoo 
This time is more shameful than the other times (for some reason). Maybe because I talked the good talk and now find myself back where I was a year and half ago doing the same thing....whining and crying.
Believe me MM, Many, MANY of have been there. My AH has been to THREE rehabs during the last 8 months. Every time I was hopeful, shortly after the fine people at SR picked me up off the floor a sobbing mess because no sooner than he got out he was right back at it. This time, I'm the MOST hopeful. But for whatever reason I'm hopeful from a distant.
You will know more in the next few days/weeks what your AH will do. You can make the decision then. One thing that I've been thinking alot about lately is my TRUE feelings for AH. I do love him, I do care about him. BUT he's disrespected me, taken from me, shamed me, lied to me, provided for HIMSELF before his family, not been an equal partner, checked out of this world for 8 months while abandoning his family. While I DO still care about him, can I ever get passed the things he's done and look at him as a true partner or an equal? Can I ever look @ him with trust?
maybe 5 years ago I could have. But now I can't. Can I in the future? Maybe, but although I'm pretty fragile right now, I'm not going to risk supporting or standing behind another relapse. Your AH is hardcore, just like my AH. They're doing HARDCORE drugs. It's not just a vicodin or a percocet. It's CRACK and HEROIN! To me, there's a difference. I know where you're at. Holding on partly because you want too, partly because you believe in him and partly because you feel like you owe him another chance, partly because you feel guilty of the quality of life that he'll have without you. Take your time and look at the big picture, your decisions will come and they will be the right ones.
You said your AH got mad when you asked him to clean out the shed. That comment ticked me off for you. But I realize that my AH did crap to me like that every day - all the while living under the roof that *I* provided and eating the food that *I* bought. My friends could never understand how I could take that. They felt he should be on his knees begging for forgiveness and doing whatever it took to help me around the house. With AH, that never happened. Of course I heard "I love you, I don't want to loose you." His actions spoke way louder than his words though. Hang in there - it's a stressful time right now. You don't have to make a decision right this second. :ghug3