Okay, sweetie, now that you've used me as an example (and it really is okay)....
My family would not let me IN THE HOUSE when I was using. Yep, they loved me, no doubt about it. But you have to understand..I did not use around them. I lived 2 hours away. I sheltered them, as much as possible, from my using. The only time they saw what my life was like, was when my dad drove down there, and found me on the streets, and took me to lunch in the park.
I didn't call, I didn't ask them for money, I didn't spend their money. That is a HUGE difference in what you are dealing with. When I relapsed, I left home...again. When I came back home, after the relapse, I was done with the drugs. I was sick as a dog, with bronchitis, I slept for 3 days, then I got on the internet, started applying for jobs, and 2 days later, I started going to work with my dad.
Do you see the difference? I didn't just say "I'm sorry"...I ACTED!!! Within 3 weeks, I realized that I could not make enough money, working with dad, to pay back what I owed him (he did get me out of the financial mess I'd gotten into during my relapse..only because of my actions of trying to get a job right away). I tucked my tail, went to the company I'd been working for and begged for a job...I went to work that night. I paid my dad back every cent I owed him, in less than a month.
Again, look at my actions, sweetie.
In the past 6 months, I have been robbed and pistol-whipped at work, I have been dealing with a stepmom who is addicted to pain pills and a dad who is in denial, I have been dealing with issues at work that have put me further into debt. Any single ONE of these things could have easily led me back to crack. Judy has been dealing with her mom, she has neighbors from hell, her health is failing and she is in pain and can't breathe half the time...any one of THOSE things could lead her back to pills.
Both of us are strong in our recovery because that's what we WANT, more than anything. Neither of us have anyone who is sitting there, taking care of us. If we go back to the drugs, we're on our own. Yes, my family and friends will still love me, but they certainly won't enable me.
Think about it, hon....just because you say "I will not tolerate this..you use, you're out" it doesn't mean if he gets his act together and he continues to work on recovery, you can't reconsider things in the future.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy