I keep thinking I've hit my rock bottom. I do. The scary part is that I'm not as devastated each time this happens. The first time was the worst. I don't know if I credit MY recovery meetings for that or if my heart can only break so many times and I'm getting numb to it. I'm hoping that the meetings and support groups are helping because I have a life now, seperate and apart from him. I have places I go for serenity and to get healthy.
I just figured out part of my problem too. Everybody (here at home) keeps asking me why I have so much compassion for him. It's a good question and one that I haven't been able to answer until a few minutes ago.
Between SR and Nar-Anon and Celebrate Recovery, my life is FULL of addicts and alcholics who have beat back this disease - all have very ugly pasts due to addicition and all are solid in their recoveries and helping people and they are smart, loving people. Because I know and love these amazing people who have the utmost respect for - I can see a future for AH just as well as I can see his past before he ran back into the arms of addiction.
I wouldn't turn my back on Amy if she started smoking crack again or Judy if she started drinking or eating pills. I love these ladies (and I'm sorry to use them as an example but since they are well known on this forum....I though they might be good examples XXXOO).
Why am I not seeing the difference?