Hi all
So normally I'm a pretty strong, logical person. But yesterday, I came very close to having a panic attack. I just found out that my hours have been cut at work. Down to 32 hours at the moment, but they want to cut them down to 24 and are being heavily pressured to do so. I could be layed off any time.
My abf is still talking about future / engagement even though I've been making it pretty clear that I'm not in the market for that at the moment. It's like he just doesn't SEE it. He knows I'm acting differently, but he's just forging ahead with his plan. My whole world is completely in a shambles right now and I think that it is giving me motivation to finally take care of it. I can't live my life with everything up in the air. No security whatsoever. It is not unrealistic to think that in the next month or so I could lose my business, my full-time job and my boyfriend (along with the home).
I was totally stressing yesterday, but today I feel a little bit more clear. Like I just have to jump in and take care of some of this stuff because I don't have the "luxury" to just let it be. I need to let my abf know that I can't think of marrying him when I believe he's still abusing his meds BEFORE he decides to propose in front of a bunch of people (which I think he's planning from things he's said). How horrible! And I need to find a new job so that if we break up, I can make it on my own. I need to get off my butt and do something about where I'm at!!! I'm scared as heck right now of the unknown. I don't really know what I'm looking for with this message, but maybe some words of encouragement??? Or a kick in the butt??? I guess any advise or thoughts are welcome seeing as I have no clue what I'm looking for! lol
