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02-18-2009, 10:31 AM

# 5 (permalink)

serenityqueen

Attitude of Gratitude

Join Date: Sep 2007

Location: Dayton, Ohio

Posts: 2,305

Welcome to SR, Erin, you have found a place where you can find a huge amt of understanding, support and friendship.

I'm a Recovering Addict & Alcoholic and I have to say that it sounds like you have went above and beyond what most would do when someone goes into detox and treatment. Whatever you do, please don't ever doubt that you haven't done enough or that any of this is your fault. It's not.

You stated that you have to put on a supportive front for him . . . ignoring your feelings is not supportive for him at all. You have to take care of you, first and foremost, no matter what. You cannot be expected to instantly forgive him for the, what did he call it, emotional unfaithfullness.

Before you invest any more of your time and heart in this relationship, I feel you really need to address with him just how much this has devestated you. You do not have to tip toe around the addict out of fear of him picking up. If he does, it's his choice. I'm not saying he is going to relapse, but if he would, that was his choice. No one can make another person relapse. . . unless you physically throw the pills down his throat and force him to swallow them which I don't think you are going to do.

Have you discussed this yet with the people at Alanon? I imagine there are more than a few people in the Rooms who have had a very similar problem.

I highly encourage you to take care of you right now. Let him take it from here regarding taking care of his things that to be done. There is a huge difference in being supportive and enabling. You sound like a lovely lady who has bent over backwards for the man she loves. Just make sure not to let him try to blame any of this on you.

I hope you will continue to share and read, read, read. Addiction is a disease that effects nearly everyone in the addicts life so you too, also need help in dealing with what his disease has caused you to feel.

Hugs & Prayers,
Judy