With all due respect to Trucker who is very wise and compassionate, I myself think that "a problem is a problem is a problem." Call it a small problem. Call it a big problem. In a way, calling it a problem at all is like saying you have an "injury" when in fact you've been permanently paralyzed.
Just not drinking doesn't, by the way, make it better.
That's what we call "white knuckling it."
In my experience, and in the experience of many people I've talked with, the beginning of your recovery (and YES, it is recovery!) is fully surrendering. Admitting you are powerless over alcohol. And, with that step, you really can begin the journey to miraculously recover your life. You never recover your ability to drink. But you do recovery the freedom from cravings. You can recover your spiritual zest. Your joy. You can throw away your preoccupation with alcohol. You can get better.
But you don't recover in the way I'm talking about by merely making a decision based in will-power that you will no longer drink.
BTW - I completely commiserate with you over the feelings of dejection. I HATE the fact that I'm al alcoholic. I would, literally, be willing to give my leg away if I could drink like a normal person. But isn't that percisely evidence of the fact that I would never be able to drink like a normal person?!
It's utterly understandable to all of us here that you would be feeling resentful that you find yourself in this situation. But if can enter true recovery, your resentment can lesson and maybe even lift altogether. I only feel is sometimes these days - it's not a nagging dark-grey feeling hanging over me any more.
Take those first steps, my friend. I'm an AA person and it's saved my life. But there are many ways to recover. I just hope that you really do go for the gold of recovery instead of the frustration of trying to control your drinking or stop without learning other tools to help you address the real problem.
Because, you know the real problem isn't the drink, right?