I feel like I could have written almost every sentence here. I'm at almost the same place that you are. Maybe my position is just a little different though, because I've decided that I CAN NOT just sit and do nothing. I don't like myself with him, I need to like myself more than I need to love him. My mother always had this saying that she used to refer to my AF when people would ask why they divorced. It was "peace of mind is better than piece of man". Corny? Maybe. But it's been rolling around in my head a lot lately. I decided this morning when I woke up and AH still wasn't home to put that saying into effect. I sent him a text (since I'm not sure when I'll actually see him next since he's on a binge) telling him that I have to jump off the looney bird merry go round. I can't stop him drinking, I can't make him want help, but I don't want to be with him if he's going to continue to drink. May seem cold but I also told him to live wherever it is that he stayed last night because even if he isn't willing to deal with his own problems, I'm willing to deal with mine.