I wonder what you would be doing if he were not physically there? Something that helps me so much is to think about my life with out my H. I just pretend he does not exist. I can see my life much more clearly when I act as though we have never met. It helps me to see what I need to do for myself.
We are separated right now. The times I have been around him in the past several months I have gotten some clarity on how little I mean to him. In turn I can see how little he actually means to me.
I feel I was somewhat taken in by the drama that pleading with him to stop using(crack) also, I think he was also glorying in the drama as well cause he had the starring role in this drama. I created at least half of it and without my input and direction it is just not as much fun for him. All the tears and screaming is fun to him. So why would I want to play this any more? I was not having fun. Now I am....