If he knows he has a problem, why does he ignore it? I guess life is easier to deal with and feel sorry for yourself with a buzz.
For me, If
I had a problem with their drinking, their drinking became
my problem
then I had to ask myself, and I ask you
"If you have a problem, why do you ignore it? I guess life is easier to deal with and feel sorry for yourself by focusing on him."
It wouldn't make everything okay or help you survive this madness, but just for once I'd give anything to hear you say "I'm done focusing on him, I get it".
just some paraphrases, your own words if you will, just thought you might find them interesting rearranged a little bit.
This is hard, what you are going through is really really hard, but for me, as long as I focused on the problem (him) the problem increased, once I started focusing on the solution (me) the solution increased.
I know what you mean by the "pop upside the head thing"
I feel that way frequently lately. There's something about saying the same thing over and over, like "if I have a problem with someone else's drinking it's my problem, and if it's my problem, my solution needs to come from me, not them", and you feel like you aren't getting heard that gets pretty frustrating.