blessed4x

Are you asking if there's nothing you can do to get him to change? The answer to that would be: Correct, there is nothing YOU can do to make him change.

If you are asking if there's nothing you can do to change that feeling you have of wanting to crawl out of your own skin (and I know that feeling well), the answer is: There is plenty you can do. It has taken me a full year of making excuses, whining to friends, begging and nagging my AH, and coming here. I often thought all of the people that seem so strong and peaceful here have found some nugget of wisdom that magically transformed them. I wanted the easy way out of a very dark hole.

I decided a couple weeks ago that enough was enough. I took a leap and went to an Alanon meeting. I called a counselor that had been highly recommended and started seeing her. What I've learned so far is that all of the people here that have shared their experiences with me, given me a gentle nudge when needed, and even a kick in the pants every now and then, did not get where they are without some hard work. This self exploration is no cake walk, and I'm still pretty green. So far I have found that there's some ugly stuff in me that needs to be cleaned out, and some pretty fantastic stuff that needs to be nurtured to grow.

I still live with an alcoholic, who for today is not drinking. That can all change tomorrow, and for the first time ever the thought of it doesn't send me into a panic. I can't control his drinking any more than I can control how often he urinates......nor would I want to. Wow that feels good! I hope you get to the place where you are ready to unclench your fists, wrap your arms around yourself, and give YOU a big hug.