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I typed my heart out and it disappeared.

My name is Kay, I'm a 27 yo sahm mum of two boys. My oldest is almost 3 and my youngest is 3 1/2 months old. Unfortunately, I'm married to an alcoholic. I joined here hoping to find understanding, support and the freedom to post what I'm going through. Also viewpoints from someone who is an alcoholic but is willing to explain to me what exactly it is to go through this would be appreciated. Like I said, I want to UNDERSTAND. Sometimes I think I know because I smoke, but I was told by my sister that it's not the same and I'll never understand unless I go through it myself. She doesn't talk about what she went through.

I'll have to research terminology soon, but I think my husband would be considered a binge drinker. He'll go 2-4 months without drinking at all, but then he'll take a drink and the trouble starts. He'll go 4-6 months drinking heavily 3-4 times a week. When he does this he will routinely ignore responsibilities. He's lost many jobs this way over the years and our relationship is now at the point where I'm starting to hate him (even though I really try not to) for the way that this behavior is affecting everything in our lives, from finances to my oldest son to our marriage. He just admitted the other day that he "might" have a drinking problem after getting cited for being d&d last week and being late to work 3 times. Also last week as well. I asked him if he was ready to get help (probably should have talked to someone about HOW to approach him first). His answer was to go out drinking after work tonight and drunk text me. If I sound angry, it's probably because I am. lol.

His alcoholism has caused me some problems as well. I've had some self esteem issues because of it, even though I know intellectually that his drinking has NOTHING to do with me. I've an appointment next week to talk to a counselor about my issues with this. I think there might be something deeper going on here since my father was an alcoholic, my sister was a drug addict and I married an alcoholic. I've also emailed for info on alanon.

I'm really just at my wit's end with all this. I'm thinking that even though his alcoholism is not my fault, that I might have been enabling it for the past 6 years by constantly covering for him, fixing his mess-ups, etc. I'm at a hard place right now because I feel that nothing is going to get better for him or for me until I separate myself from him.

That felt really good to get out. The freedom of just having typed that is doing wonders for me right now. Thanks to all who read to the end. I appreciate it. Heck of a hello, right? lol.