ElChupacabra,
You sound as if you are in the Attempting to Control stage. I spent about 9 months there. It was after I made my initial, mild (and very reluctant) aknowledgement that I had a "drinking problem."
So I went on this binge of limiting how much I allowed myself to drink in one day; balancing it out the next day if I drank more than I'd intended; marking lines on bottles to remind myself where I was supposed to stop (never worked); taking days off drinking; justifying days that I drank more with whatever events were happening that day, etc.
Do you really think that if you don't drink for 3 weeks or 4 weeks that you have then somehow prepared your body for drinking again?
Your body feels like cr@p because you are abusing it with chronic aloholism. The only solution is to stop drinking. From everything I've heard and read, relapses only get worse.
I would encourage you to recognize that you are not actually controlling your drinking. Your drinking is controlling you.
Initial sobriety was terrifying for me. Recovery has been both the most difficult thing I've ever done and one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. (Right up there with becoming a mom.) I hope you find your path to recovery.
- mle