katie, I know how difficult it is when there are grand children involved. The best you can do, is to let go of your AD and be there for the little ones.
Are you going to meetings? Besides SR, a f2f meeting is of great support. And sometimes that hands on hug is really needed. I found that out at my last meeting, after I shared & cried, I got lots of hugs and believe me when I say they really helped.
Keep posting here, and venting when you need to. We understand completely your frustration.
Hugs,
Chris