Just 45 days sober Then drunk again
but those 45 days were the best. I drank yesterday afternoon and drank tonight, no major fallout except heartbreak I am sure for my 15 year old.
We are so super close, and she loathes the addiction... Dec.29 was my old
sober date and hopefully Feb,14th will be my new one. Heck, I might
have love on my side!! You know, valentines and all. Just meaning the date.
I think I drank because I missed my Chardonnay so much that I could taste
it and instead of changing my mind,( I have six days off from work and talked
myself into drinking before I even thought it over.) I had no sleep from the night before because I work the midnight shift and my daughter was home sick and I was watching over her diligently.( she has autoimmune hepatitis)
but was only sick with a bug yet I thought she was showing symptoms of
a comprimised liver situation. ( slight yellowing of the eyes and she had greenish bowl movements). I was overtired and went out to get her oranges
and dark chocolate, got those and stopped to get my wine. I was wondering
if they were thinking, "Where has she been for 6 weeks". Then I was next
planning how I was going to drink it without my child knowing. Luckily, she
fell asleep after taking Melatonin,(which she uses to help sleep on occasion)-
of course I suggested this. SO I COULD DRINK MY WINE. I was so excited.
Tonight she told me she knew I had drank last night.... this was after she
caught me trying to take my husbands whiskey bottle from under the table
where he supposedly hides it. ( He is NOT alcoholic ) Anyways, I thought
I got away with drinking that one itty bitty bottle( .750). No way!!!!
I guess what i have to say is.... I just didn't want to stay sober enough.
I took the opportunity of knowing I have off until next week, no work
to go to. I also have to admit that I don't have much going for me and
get bored or am bored. My marriage is over although we are still in it. I
drink to feel alive. Seriously, I am ok with it except I feel like sh*t physically
and mentally when I delve deep inside, alcohol will be my downfall and
is my death disguised as my friend. How do you say goodbye goodbye to
something you love so much? arghhhh.. sorry for the ramble. It is late here in the east coast, thanks for having a forum to talk and be listened to.
Back tomorrow for day one!