HardWired,
You seem to experience some pressure to either accept AA or reject it. Maybe that's in keeping with your "all or nothing" personality CarolD recalled.
I would encourage you to see AA as a group of like-minded people (just like us here at SR) working toward a common goal. We have strengths and faults like any group. Sometimes we meet our goals and sometimes we fall a little flat. Many times, we are moved by each other and we speak passionately and find that we do some good. Other times, we read and read and don't know what to say or how to help.
AA is just like that. It's not a state-sponsored, state-funded program aimed at reprogramming drunks and making them into productive robots.
AA is not anything in and of itself. AA is the people who choose to sit around those tables and share and listen and hopefully make a difference. If not for anyone else, than for themselves alone.
If I went into my AA home room and expected the others to pitch their perfect, charming, and intelligent reasons for me to stay sober - designed specifically to address my situation and avoid any of my little pet peeves - of course I could happily say, "Nope. Nope. This program is not for me!" Because they would never get it right.
AA is just a bunch of drunks determined to do the best they can to stay sober and to stay in recovery. We don't have any special training! We don't know any big secrets to use to appeal to you! We are hoping you will throw your lot in with us because, well, because the more people we have, the stronger we are.
When their is finger-pointing and disappointment and rigidity, someone always seems to step forward and make a gentle statement about keeping things on track and staying on topic.
At the end of the meeting, I have hugs and smiles and encouragement and then I'm out the door! And I always leave feeling so much more hopeful. And frequently I leave feeling as if I've gotten an epiphany that is going to hlep me in my recovery.
And this is all free. The only thing it costs me is my participation without overt casting of judgement or finding fault. Just participate for a little while and see what you can contribute. Instead of standing back in the wings making fun of others and what you think they are perhaps not doing right.
Good luck to you! Sobriety is fun no matter how you get there!