It is hard hard hard to stop expecting them to understand. To stop expecting them to validate your pain, to apologize, to try to make you feel better. To stop wasting your energy trying to get them to see the light. I had a desire, for a long time, to hold up specific events and abuses and say "Look!! Look at this!! See what you did to me!! Why can't you admit it???" And I did.
I told my sister a few days ago "just admit you and mom have created a situation for dad where you are the only ones capable of taking care of him" I wanted her to acknowledge the role of "hero" she has in the family. Instead she turned it around to say "no one else wanted to help dad so she had too." That night I read these posts again and it hit me.
But your family is not ready to take this step yet. That cannot matter. You can't wait for them to catch up, or to "get it." You've got to move out into new territory yourself. It seems like you're waiting for your mom or your sister to catch up with you before you take the next step into healing......and I'm suggesting you may have to let them be whatever they are going to be, and move forward into a better life yourself.
The truth is my sister also want validation for her "hero" role in the family. The difference between me and the rest of my family is I want my life to be different. It hurts too much the way it is and I can finally admit it. When I strip the anger away I revert back to the little girl who felt like she never really mattered. For so long I wanted to ask my mother and father "Why didn't I matter to you?" "Why didn't you make me feel important and loved?" Now the only question I have to ask is to myself " If I recieved answers to these questions today would it help?" The answer is NO. There will never be a good enough answer. I finally get that.