Welcome to the forum InRepair (I love your name, by the way)!
I'm 27 and currently separated from/divorcing my alcoholic husband. I'm well acquainted with the automatic care-giving response that an addicted SO engenders!
It is hard to let go of the desire to help.
I found the "Getting Them Sober" series by Toby Rice Drews very helpful (I know it sounds like the codependent's dream book, but it's actually very practical advice on how to love/deal with/let go of an alcoholic.
Today, though I'm not a very religious person, I do a lot of praying.
I pray for acceptance ( of life as it is), courage ( to improve what I can), and wisdom (to determine what is and is not within my control).
My STBXAH's addiction is beyond my control. So is his recovery. I choose to trust that all is unfolding in the best possible way, in my HP's time, and I ask for patience to navigate through the changes with faith and determination.
I also remember that he's going to drink whether I'm there or not (despite his declarations that I'm his only hope) and since I don't like to be around him when he's drinking or to wait up for him when he doesn't call and doesn't come home - it's in my best interest to NOT be there.
Take care. Glad you're here
-TC