isabelleT,
I'm in the same spot as you when it comes to counting drinks. My new nemesis is beer in 16 oz cans. I think, ok he's only had 2 1/2 of those, he won't be a bear to deal with, but in reality, he's had more like 3, and if he slips in a third, it's definitely past his pleasant threshold and it's nothing but nasty in my direction.
I feel you on that.
As for telling other people, I've caught the wrath as well from my ABF for that. He likes to eavesdrop on my conversations. I try to avoid talking about it when he's around, but if he wants to listen, let him. If I tell things from my perspective, as I see them, I'm not spreading his laundry, I'm spreading my own. I'm not telling the world or telling perfect strangers so I'm not taking any flack from him about it. If your A is explosive over the issue towards you, keep your conversations discreet and ask your supporters to do the same. That is only a safety measure for you if needed.
The original question was about living with an alcholic.
Life with my ABF is different since I started on my recovery. I am far more aware of my codependent behaviors, and I'm working on them. I am also more aware of his quacking and manipulations so I get drawn into his alcohol driven drama a whole lot less. My emotional state is improving, and his seems to be levelling off. There have been only mild tantrums but without my audience they die quickly.
These days I'm trying to determine what I get out of the relationship, since there really isn't much of one left anymore. What I thought was love from him I'm finding is more need. That need could be filled by a butler/maid/cook. The needs he fills for me could be accomplished by taking in a tidy roommate, and for that I could charge. (In that instance I've actually ruled out my need for the household income he provides as well.)
Can you live with an alcoholic? I think the answer has already been given, but I'll raise by hand in agreement that while you can, why would you want to if you didn't have to?