I realized too that I was hanging on to these events and abuses really tightly. They were so much a part of my identity, like a badge of honor: I have suffered, therefore I am. When I met people who had gotten past their childhoods and gone on to happy, mentally healthy lives, I was either contemptuous, disbelieving, or jealous as hell -- I didn't think I could ever get there. I didn't know if I WANTED to. Let go? How could I?