silkspin

Welcome isabelleT, I am new here too and getting lots of great support! I hear my situation being echoed in yours - whether to believe my AH who is just 1 month+ into recovery. And although my AH hasn't really thrown 'forgetting the past' so we can recover at me, I hear this SO many times in this forum and it really gets under my skin. To me, it's their manipulation to try and get you to keep things status quo but they want to get away with whatever they've done, and to ease their guilt. I did, however, experience his pathetic and sheepish apologies the day after a binge.

Regarding your support during an intense time of need - haven't you been there through the lies and manipulation? When he was out all night? Didn't seem to 'need' or appreciate any support at that time, and now, what does he expect? All of a sudden he's recovering and expects a lot from you, not appreciating or respecting that his behaviour has hurt you. Please do what you feel is necessary for you. From what I know about this disease, it's typical for them to do these things. Most times, A's are quite needy and feel their world will fall apart without you. That's a huge responsibility, isn't it? For someone else to burden? My AH is like a child. We are in separate bedrooms now and although I'm hesitant about his recovery, I have seen some baby steps in taking responsibility for himself.

My thoughts are, and please do what is right for you, that you DO NOT have to explain yourself for doing anything. When I moved AH into another bedroom, I simply told him that this is the way it is, based on him violating my boundaries with his drinking. Period. I'm sure that if you create a dialogue about this he can and will pull every guilt string to convince you otherwise. Best to you.