God, me too. My AH didn't hide it, but I tried to keep a tally. Oh and I would count drinks during dinner knowing that 3 or less-night ok. More, I would end up crying and alone or being told that I am a controlling _____. He is just starting in recovery and I am hoping it will stick. If not, I know I will be ok. I have a lawyer's number handy and have finally informed my parents of the situation and know I have a support system.
Another question, my AH would become irate when he found out I was talking about the situation to friends and family (his). Is this common and is it ok to talk to my friends and fam?