Originally Posted by
isabelleT 
I believed for a long time that we were honest with each other and I hope that we can be again. Would it be mean to stay in the US for a while and leave him alone? I am planning on going to alanon again and have been in therapy for a couple months. I just don't know if I can trust him again. How long does it take to regain trust in your partner?
Welcome Isabelle! I am so glad you have found SR. It has been a source of strength for me for the past year, and I have found the ES &H offered here grounded and real. The stickies here (and other forums too) have taught me so much. I just finished the recently revised "Codependent No More - for a New Generation" also very useful.
I used to wonder when I could trust my partner again, or when we could be honest and share love like once had. But I found that question to be unanswerable for me. It tortured me really.
With help from Al-Anon/SR and therapy, I started to build trust in myself first. (Stripping away my denial. Believing my own truth little by little. This has been hard for me.) I began the very hard shift towards being honest with myself, and I stopped worrying if he was being honest or showing me trust. (Very liberating)
I don't think it's mean to take care of yourself and to stay in a place (the US visit) that may give you the space and peace of mind you seem to desire. In fact, the distance can provide perspective for everyone and the space for action inspired by self-love not need.
Welcome.
