I did exactly what i didn't want to do....... Drank!!!!!
I asked my mum to not have beer here for my visiting... said i wasn't drinking... got here and theres a casse of beer sitting and 3 cold ones in the fridge.
My mind has been playing tricks on me... first it tells me i can do this.... then it says "well a couple of drinks wont hurt".... now it says... "just finish the crate and the problem will go away" no more beer to look at.
When i think about it logically i know this isn't the case
but i so want it to be.I think/beleive i set myself up to fall..... My minds playing tricks on me something rotten just now.
I wish i wass back home where i can get real support.
I found a meeting here, but they are only on Thursday and Friday nights.... I am planning to go.
In the mean time my mind is saying/ battling between.... "now that i've started drinking i might as well make the most of it before i stop again" and "come off it you know how hard it was to stop before.... who am i trying to kid".
If i want to stop i have to stop... no matter how much alcohol is in the house.
My head is trying to justify it like giving up cigs... finish the last in the pack before you stop.
As i said i thought about this for the crate of beer but then thought that maybe i should leave one for the hangover in the morning... when/where does it stop?
I didn't think i would be able to get online but have found my mum has a computer now "miracles do happen".
Im so sorry.............. what a waste of 3wks
Be well
louis