Need to understand
I have posted before about my situation- my exab live across the street from me. I am in recovery for my codependency and am actually feeling healthier than ever. I have started casuall dating again and am feeling very positive about my life and recovery. BUT...... I still find myself fantsizing about my exab and watching his house- today was a beautiful day and I spent most of the day reading on the front porch which is one of my favorite things to do. But in doing so, I watch his house and saw him a few times coming and going. He never drives by my house any more- always goes the long way out of the neighborhood instead of the easier way, which would be past my house. Anyway I just can't understand WHY I would still welcome him back in my life, why I still expect it and wait for it. I am happily trying to move on and make healthier choices but this is one unhealthy thing I keep holding on to. I went on a date last weekend and really enjoyed myself and he wants to see me again this coming weekend. I am looking forward to it and have no regrets or guilt about it. But a big part of me stil hopes my exa will contact me. WHY?????? I don't understand that at all. Why would I want all that drama and negativity back in my life. Yes I still love him and care for him but he is sick and activly using, not taking responsibility or being positive. It is so frustrating that I still obsess about him.