Hi, Iriss
If I think about this too long I'm never going to post, so forgive me for the questionable writing/incorrect aa "doctrine".
First off, going to meetings and sharing. Doing this regularly taught me to put my pressures outside and start dealing with them, now that I couldn't drink them down anymore. As I increased step work and 1 on 1 time with my sponsor, I found that I need to do this less, and now I share more about my gratitude and the positive changes that have happened to me since I got sober. I still go to meetings as often as I can, 2-3 times a week at the moment, and I get a lot from hearing ES&H from people at all points in recovery, from 24 hours to 40 years.
A changing point for me in my sobriety was when I stopped looking for a HP within myself and started looking outside. I am trying to think of a way to put my HP into words, just looked it up in my notebook. "The state of mindfullness, and joy of being. The knowledge that all things are one." It may not toe the party line of a HP, but it is working for me. *shrug*
The steps help me to structure my life into something that can be tolerated without alcohol. I can't just not drink and still live the way I was living- obsessing on the past, terrified of the future, trying to be numb for the present. And letting my anger at others and myself control my actions.
I feel like I'm buturing this, I'm not used to talking about the steps in the forums
I'll end by saying I hope you give AA another try and this time hook up with a sponsor. It made a huge difference for me. And if you don't like that sponsor, it's perfectly fine to find another one.