Least,
I don't post often, but read this site regularly, and your posts have been SUCH an inspiration for me. I have followed them for months, and have learned much from your thoughts and insights. And I have taken strength from them as I deal with the challenges in my life. I am so sorry to hear that you are in such pain. I certainly can relate to the frustration and despair inflicted by teenagers. My 13 year old son can be so impossible, his selfcenteredness and unwillingness to help can be nothing short of appalling at times. While the pain inflicted on him from my drinking was certainly a huge motivator to stop, sometimes I can't help but thinking, while I am dealing with one his "attitudes", "why not drink, because stopping sure hasn't improved this bratty behavior." I think, "what's the point."
But it helps me to remember that our current interactions with our kids are having important and longlasting effects on who they are. We are writing on blank slates. The hard part is that we often do not see the results for a long time. Particularly for teenagers, all of the goods things that we do and demonstrate by our actions and morals that we impart get buried and are hidden from sight in that bubbling, tumultuous cauldron of teenage psyche. And then, years later, when they calm down, and things settle, the results of our efforts pop out for us to see. I have seen it happen often -- in myself as well. So, as I deal with my teenage son's rotten attitude, I try to remember, there is a pony in there somewhere!!!
I will pray for you today that some of your dark clouds will lift.