Since it sounds like you want only answers that will make you life normal and sane. I do not expect you to do what I suggest, but you never know. The only thing you can and should do right now is start going to Al-Anon meetings. Go to 90 minutes in 90 days. Get into the steps. Get a sponsor (anyone will do-you can always fire them and get someone else). Read the Al-Anon approved literature. The reason an Alcoholic drinks is because (unless God intervenes) being in a drunk condition is the only time an Alcoholic feels confortable. The equivalent feeling would be not being able to empty a full bladder. You can't make that feeling just go away nor can you do something that would make an Alcoholic think they don't want to get drunk.