DesertEyes

Hello there Jety, and welcome to our little corner of recovery

Yes, it _was_ that bad. And no, it could not have been worse.

It was _horrible_ because we were children, and children don't yet have the skills or knowledge to deal with such terrors. "Worse" doesn't apply, because there is no way to "measure" the pain a child feels. So welcome to a place where we understand what you say because we have all experiened it in our own lives.

Nothing wrong at all. In fact, that acceptance is what makes me free of the influence of the past. When I know the reasons why I react in certain way I become able to choose a different reaction, or to not react at all.

Start with the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. There's a recent one about the "roles" that we develop in order to survive the insanity of our childhood. You'll see terms like "hero child" and "lost child" that fit the roles you described from your family. As you go thru the stickies a number of questions will pop up, so toss them here and we'll all contribute our personal Experience, Strength and Hope.

Grab your phonebook and go exaine a few meetings of Al-Anon. Each meeting has it's own flavor, and many of them are very helpful to us Adult Children of Alcoholics. I love my Wednesday meet, almost everybody there is an ACoA.

There's tons of great books written about us. My fav are the classics by Claudia Black.

That should get you started. Welcome again, I'm glad you decided to join us.

Mike