Thanks everyone for responding.
It's good for me to imagine that some of you were once like her - that is helpful, makes me feel a little hopeful since I am always amazed at the stories people share of the strides they are making in their lives..
She has really been brought low by this insanity...
I am just really really devastated from this visit. I've been grasping at all my old standby tools to stop obsessing and let go and just pray for her....but I'm just struggling right now one minute at a time...
She was such a beautiful spirit. It's so much like my brothers who I used to look at and for a while I could fool myself that the "old" bro was still in there somewhere under all the alcohol... and then I finally had to let that fantasy go and mourn the loss...it's just been like flashback feeling all day like that.
And there was something in her eyes and I had this horrible sensation that: the way she
looks is how I
felt as a kid....I keep imagining what she is going home to tonight.... blechhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It really is like flashbacks.
b.