Molly, my ex was an addict (cocaine) when I met him and I didn't find out about it until it was too late. I was only 17 - young and stupid. I thought I could save him. He only did it on weekends which also happened to be when I saw him. I was always miserable, but I stayed because that's what I'm used to (both my parents and all of their friends). Three years and A LOT of fights and tears later he started doing it at work and decided on HIS OWN to tell his mom and go to rehab. I went to all the family meetings and visited as much as I could. I broke up with him (for different reasons) and I got blamed for his relapse. All of his friends do drugs so it was only a matter of time. I see him out now and he's still the same.
My ex wasn't in recovery when I met him. If he does relapse it WILL be one the hardest things (if not THE hardest) you will ever go through. I think it depends on the (addicted) person - how determined is he? Even the most dedicated, strong willed, determined person can still relapse. And I may just be a young stupid girl, but all of those similarites do not mean that you were destined to be (sorry, don't mean to sound, um, bitter or pesimistic). I think, honestly, that you should get to know him better before you decide to make a life changing decision such as getting involved with someone who could potentially ruin life and your children's lives. I'm not sure how old they are, but it is not a nice thing to see your parent go through. Once you get sucked in - you're in. I know I have that motherly "oh, I can save you" aspect of my personality that killed me when I walked away. It's so hard to walk away from someone when you feel like their sobriety depends on you (even though it doesn't). I hope I am not out of line. I'm just telling you what I have been through. I hope things work out either way. Let me know how things are going. Good Luck!!