Hi Back to me -- I'm glad you found SR!
While I know this isn't possible, I like to KNOW that it will work; I don't know if I've got it in me to risk again and he is looking for almost immediate reassurances. I can make it on my own but my kids love their daddy and I think of the what ifs and this isn't healthy either."
We can no more KNOW that it will work than we can KNOW when we will die......there are no guarantees in life and especially in a life involving addiction. You also mentioned that he is looking for almost immediate reassurances -- of course he is -- that's what addicts want -- immediate gratification.
My kids love their dad too but it is starting to make them sick as well (they are older, 16&18). I can see some codependent behaviour starting in them -- I've taught them well!! Now that I have decided to end my marriage, I hope that they can continue to have a relationship with him that will be healthier for them -- I hope they will be able to detach with love -- it will be different but they won't have to live in the chaos every day.
I too have trouble finding meetings in my home town because I work in the field and often find clients in the meetings -- the next town is about an hour away. I found meetings on line at stepchat.com. They run like an alanon meeting and I found them helpful.