Molly

Hi Folks,

Hoping to get some answers here, and stories, advice, thoughts on the subject are much appreciated.

I met (completely by chance) a recovering cross-addict (alcohol/cocaine) about 6 weeks ago. He admitted himself to a hospital program, and has been in AA ever since October 1, 2001.

We have many similarities (exception, I have never been a user/drinker) We are very attracted to each other. He has a great family, and so do I. We have met each other's kids and important people in our lives. We have all the qualities that could lead to a phenomenal realtionship together. There are many signs around this meeting that it was God's will...too many to list (Examples: Both divorced since 1988, both have son's born in 1984, were raised similiarly, parents about the same age/socio-economic backgrounds...much more)

He states that he cannot get involved with anyone until he has been in recovery at least a year...though I know he would like to. I know I cannot help him, other than support on his journey...but to deny that love could be a powerful force in recovery, in a positive way...I wonder.

We have a agreed to be "friends", we see each other roughly once a week so far for coffee, a movie or meal, plutonic meetings. I do want to be his friend...but would like more eventually, when he is ready. But I also know...from years of experience and a deep emotional intelligence that he and I were meant to be together. Therefore, I am a little impatient I guess...wanting more but accepting "friends"

I have let him know my feelings...I know he has them too, but I also know this is one of the most difficult times in his life...and I am pretty positive that he is more scared than anything to follow his feelings regarding me.

Questions:
Has anyone "dated" a person in this stage of recovery (3 months) Tell me about it.

Where is he right now, mentally/emotionally at this stage of recovery? How can I help him?

Should I "wait" 9 months for him to be ready? He, of course would not ask me to do that. (I do feel compelled to do so)

Does AA or another group advise against getting "involved" during the first year of recovery...or is this advice from a counselor or friend? Please explain the concept to me.

This is truly an exceptional man...take away the things that surround him...I am not out of my mind for considering pursuing this...however I am concerned about the implications...the chances of relapse.

Any advise, ideas, personal experience. HELP!!

Thanks so much...God Bless...Molly