Addiction is horrible. I have to agree with other posters that I cannot understand why you haven't gone to the doctor. What if it was your hubby, sister, mom.. whoever and you found out they were doing this? I don't know how you're alive... I do know I'd prefer you to stay that way. I also agree with previous poster that you seem complacent in your addiction. What steps are you taking to stop? None? Sorry if that seems rude, but... what help are you looking for here?