mindy,
i told my two 17-year old cats about your situation, and they have quite a bit to say to you.
Big Bit (the quiet one) says "hang in there, girl. but remember you make the choice one day at a time whether to stay or go" meow.
Little Bit (the talker) says "living in chaos isn't any fun, is it? but there are good points to it and bad points to it. meow?
i've noticed that big bit hides under the bed when her daddy is being a compulsive, isolating jerk. she comes out long enough to use his sports page as a kitty box, then sticks her nose in the air and prances away. she is literally "pissed off" at the neglect. i know how she feels.
but little bit gets up in his face and demands her rightful share of attention and respect and she refuses to be neglected. she often gets knocked across the room, especially if she starts with the "love bites" on his fingers. he hates that and will send her flying.
each kitty has their approach. i have tried both approaches, but i still don't get any attention when he's off on one of his "zone-outs". (he doesn't drink anymore, but has substituted computer games and espn).
are you more of a big bit or a little bit?? i think i am sometimes just a bit(ch).. let me know if you have the answer.