Hi MindyBadger,
My thoughts are with you in your delema. I, too, live with an actively drinking alcholic and it's tough. I understand the not knowing what your coming home to "drunk or sober". The one thing I learned in all this is that I knew he was an alcholic when I met him, and it's up to me on how much I want to put up with. Some days I think that this is it; and then others I feel understanding and compassion for who he is and the disease he has. We also have a child together and he is a great father even with his drinking. I've never, in all my experience with other alcholics/addicts, have I seen such devotion. I grew up in a family of addicts, and learned what the term functional and disfunctional alcholic meant. Not that they didn't love thier children, but they just weren't the main focus. In fact, in cases there wasn't any focus put on the kids. She is 4yrs old and has a very close relationship with her daddy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is an individual decision that's not without it's heartstrings pulling at every corner.
Good luck.