swanky

I've been reading thru some of the posts on the board, and I felt like I needed to put my stuff out there. My b/f, who I've been living with for almost 2 years, admits that he is an alcoholic, but refuses to go to AA. He has been saying that he should quit drinking on and off for the whole time I've known him, but when it really comes down to it, he never can. Of course, I know that this is a symptom of his disease.

I'm pissed off at myself because I've been enabling him for quite a long time, going out to bars with him, (I'm what one could call a "social drinker") telling him that he might not need to quit, but to only cut down, blah blah blah. Then, this weekend, I realized just how far his drinking has progressed when we went out of town for a friend's birthday and I asked him not to drink too much as he had to drive, and he said he wouldn't. Well, the club we were at closed, and there he was, in the car, trashed. And I let him drive us home, though I was petrified, because I don't know how to drive his car (stick-shift). This was not the first time that I have gotten into the car with him when he's been drunk, but I swear to god it will be the last.

We had a bad discussion in the car that night, him crying and apologizing, saying that I should leave him now, since he feels that he will always dissappoint me, that he can't quit drinking even though he knows he should. It made me sad, because I love him, and I don't want to give up on him, but I'm not going to sacrifice myself, either.

The next day, he was hung over and sick, and stayed in bed. I went to my mother's to do laundry, like we always do on Sundays, and when she picked me up, I told her about what happened. She said that she was glad that I would finally acknowledge it to her as she's known he was alcoholic for a long time. (Just as a point of reference, both of my parents are recovering alcoholics and have been sober thru AA for most of my life, and I spent many many years in Alateen.)

I told him that I was going to start going to Alanon, and asked him if he wanted to just go to an open speaker meeting sometime, just to listen. He flat-out refused; he thinks he can quit on his own, just because his father (apparently) did. I wish he would see that "d.i.y." will not work for him! It's already not working, as he didn't drink for 2 days, and then he started again. It's like he's *flaunting* it........grrr.

My mother has told me that for the time being, all I can really do is to go to meetings and to talk to people who have been there, which is why I wanted to post here. Sorry if it was long-winded or made no sense. Thanks....