Hi Tired -- I think all of us have to go through our processes to do what we think we have to when living with alcoholism.
My husband was a great father -- he was a great provider, he built our home, he is an electrician. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for us. EVERYONE says he is the nicest guy you would ever meet -- give you the shirt off his back. That was then -- he isn't the same person now. He is a binge drinker (every six to eight weeks at first). For the 27 years we have been together (since 16), for the most part, life has been good. I didn't know how serious it was until about 10 years ago. His disease also progressed into cocaine -- a very expensive habit. He has spent enough money on that in 5 years to send both my daughters completely through university.
I never saw this coming -- it progressed sooooo slowly, that it was almost undetectable. In looking back, there were MANY MANY red flags but I was blind to them. As his behaviour got worse, my tolerance got higher. He has gone downhill fast in the past six months. And all the while, I promised myself I wasn't going to lose the man I love to this f*c#*%g disease. I fought, and I fought hard. I did everything I could (made his appointments, found him aa meetings, supported him through court, booked medical appts. drove his a** everywhere for more than 1/2 our years together) among many many other things. I am only now beginning to be able to look back and think, "what where you thinking".
I did what I thought was right for me and my children at the time. I have loved him for more than 1/2 my 43 year old life. It's not fair and it's hard to watch someone self destruct. But there came a time for me to admit that he was pulling me with him -- I had lost myself -- I had reached MY rock bottom. I can no longer LIVE TO HELP HIM and focus on only him. I have neglected myself and my daughters in the process, something I feel way more guilty for than I would have if I had of left 5 years ago. Hind sight is 20/20.
I remember the first time I posted here, someone said something to make me cry -- that is the first time I remember crying about all of this. How could that be? I was so focused on him, I couldn't feel anything myself. I have been crying ever since and it is liberating.
I'm trying to change all that. And now you can decide if you spend 2 mos, 2years, or twenty hoping and wishing that things will be the way you dream of. The way they "should be". It's your choice. I hope you continue to come here and read some of the amazing courageous stories -- it really has helped me
take care