update sorta...
well I just want to say that after 1 month things are better....sort of.
things I know:
I've accepted what has happened.
I'm broke, but I will get work eventually
I care about how I look again, I go to the gym everyday again
I have started to paint again.
My AH's family got him a brand new 2009 truck...they 'feel' bad for him...nothing like giving an addict MORE...
My mom loves me unconditionally
My kids love me and I love them
I sing in the car.
My AH says we will be together again...(This will never happen)
I dont know if he is still in recovery or using....it doesnt matter.
I protect my boys, visits are suppervised.
My boys need my AH, he loves them, I want them to visit.
I KNOW I WILL BE OK....I'M JUST DOING MY TIME.
Thanks again to everyone here for helping me get through the shock.