"But he doesn't want to change." - end. of. story.
Until HE is willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES, he will be his own victim.
You now have the choice of being accessory victims, as well. You are already spending heavily in attention and emotion into HIS sickness, how far are you going to go down this path?
Alanon is a great place to sort out the confusion of alcoholism's collateral damage.
EVERY person here, and in Alanon, knows a "great person" who IF ONLY....
And we all have to come to terms with the concept of:
WE didn't cause THEIR alcoholism, nor make their choices.
WE cannot control THEIR alcoholism or their choices.
WE cannot cure it.
THEY can choose to spiral downward, until the end, or THEY can choose to recover themselves when THEY choose to DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to be in active recovery.
Trite, but true. How long you bang your head against the wall of these truths is up to you. We've all been there, and welcome you here for support.
CLMI