>>I'm not going to throw away more than 20 years together because of this illness/disease.>>
(I'll just put this on the table now, I don't agree with the diesease model, but anyway.....)
So basically divorce is not an option for you no matter what in regards to his alcoholic behavior, so any supporter here should understand this, and that you're here to vent with those who understand the actions of an AS and you want to be supported on your actions and issues that will always remain inside of marriage to your AH?
Okay.
I can understand the 'not an option' position as there was a time, and not long ago at all, that divorcing my husband was not an option for me as I thought I didn't have a biblical reason to divorce him as a Christian.( settled that with God now, but anyway...) The point is the perspective of how I share and how I ask questions is affected by me understanding you have a "not an option" stand. I respect that.
But I do need to say this and I also want to say it because of the many other woman here i have read. This example will help to bring out my point:
During a "conversation" with my AH after i asked for a divorce he tried to guilt me out of my decision. He said, "How can you do this, how can you break up our family and throw 21 years of marriage away." I won't go into all of what i said, however, I pointed out to him that his alcoholic behaviors have caused most of the damaging breaks and that if anyone had thrown something away ( abandonded his responsibilities) it was him, not I.
So my most direct point is , for those of us who will or have chosen divorce, it is not and we have not thrown away years of marriage.
Now as to having a release since you have no intention of going anywhere, you go girl, exercise was one of my greatest outlets and/or intakes. I was up to 5 miles a day power walking. Now it is to cold here for me and I can't wait for winter pass because I like it more the dancing in my basement.