Originally Posted by
keepingthefaith 
I totally agree with you on the "healthy partnership", yet marriage doesn't mean it's always going to be perfect or 50/50. Sometimes it is 80/20 or some other equation. I'm not going to throw away more than 20 years together because of this illness/disease.
This part of your post really jumped out at me. This was my rationalization for staying, too. My mother is an unrecovered codependent who raised me to believe that if we sacrifice long enough, we will be rewarded for it. I told myself that I was giving more to the relationship than him, and someday he would "see the light" and start giving more than me. I would then be repaid for all my sacrifice.
I know now that I was indeed kidding myself. I was going to continue giving more and more and he was going to continue giving less and less.
I also thought that ending my marriage would be "throwing away" 18 years, most of which were pretty good. Then, I looked back and thought about how many years of my one and only life were "thrown away" on an unhappy, unsatisfying, unfulfilling marriage. Waiting for the 80/20 to change to 20/80. Waiting for my turn.
You also said you would be throwing away a "really great man when he's not drunk." But in your first post you said he drinks all day every day. So, the "really great man" doesn't exist any longer, does he?
L