Alaia - I'm proud of you because this sounds like you are starting to look past the emotions and trying to face reality. I see in your words that the wall of denial is breaking down.
Some people do get clean some people dont. There's no way you can know at this point what will happen with yours- all you can do is decide where you want to go from here and how you can keep yourself out of the addict's circle. My personal wish for you is that you find peace, security, and happiness within your self.