Hi Skeptical. I just read your latest postand I have a few thoughts for you. It seems as though you are still in the mode of feeling it is your responsibility to help him quit drinking should he decide to. and he probably most likely knows you feel that way. it is a convenient excuse for the alchoholic not to take any self responsibility...why should he/she? we're doing it all for them, and killing ourselves emotionally and physically in the end.
Also, your dream made me remember one of my own. I went to the bathroom and my ex-husband was busy washing his hair and he didn't have anytime to listen to me. It was a real wake up call for me because it made me realize that he never had time for me. I was like the begging little lost puppy dog waiting for his attention...which never came, or if it did it wasn't for long and usually reverted back to being all about him.
I used to say when i was in the middle of it all that it would have been easier if my ex would have fooled around on me...but unfortuqntly vodka turned out to be his girlfriend...
at 26 years old your husband is old enough to take care of himself...he just knows at this point that you will pick up the slack. I'm sure others will agree that sometimes when the one hits bottom the fall has to be a hard one. i know mine was.
take care of yourself, and take some time for yourself. and if one guy is your only friend why not get out and make some friends...take a class, go to thelibrary, go to some meetings.
isolation is the friend of codependency.
best wishes, debbie